Holy Crap.... I haven't updated since EASTER???

Obviously, someone needs to manage their time better. Not me, obviously... but, someone... I think you know who you are....
So, what's on the topic board for today? Hmm... I'm looking.... and the survey says.... NOTHING! Anyone have any topics upon which I can wax ecstatic?
I had no idea that such a thing as pubic wigs existed, but I have come to find out: not only do they exist, they have a name, and they have been in use since the 1400's!! (I would like to thank Sarah Lynch's friend, Amy, for bringing this topic to my attention. I would also like to thank Wikipedia for further educating me on said topic). A pubic wig is called a "merkin". Upon further ponderance, I think that I am going to end this topic right now.... people of sensitive disposition may be offended if I go into further detail. The bottom line is: I had no idea that there was ever such a thing as pubic wigs, and it utterly fascinates me. Is that where the term "rug muncher" came from? How is it held on? How much does it cover? Are they obviously fake, like a bad toupee? Where would one purchase such an object? Do they automatically come with tassels? Is there such a thing as "female pattern baldness" that I don't know about? Is it worn to cover up a bad haircut? I think that's enough on this subject.
I think I may have started with my most interesting/entertaining subject. That's an indicator of poor writing skills, I must say. Not even the Salem News would hire me to write their want ads at this point.
I love Chinese food, but why do they always use the nastiest meat possible? I love General Tso's chicken (who was this General Tso, btw? Is he an historical figure? (And, don't question my use of "an" versus "a" before the word "historical".... both can be used.) Is he the General of Deliciosity?), but the meat is always nasty. Yet, I can't resist the sauce... that delicious, amazing sauce. Also: if you have never had the pleasure of tasting the Quizno's Jimmy Sauce (that's not what it's really called, but that's what I call it for unknown reasons)... I actually think it's called Batch 47 or someshitlikethat...it's their version of hot sauce, and it is ADDICTIVE. It is HOT hot, but it's so tasty that you can't stop yourself from eating it. It gets to the point where tears are running down your face and your nose is in constant leak mode, but you continue eating it, because it's the most delicious torture you have ever experienced. SO GOOD! I think it's a really bad idea to get me started on the subject of food, so I will end this rant right now. God, I love food. It's a miracle that I don't weigh 300 lobs. (Yes, I meant lobs.... it's an inside joke with Tracy.... shut it).
Speaking of... don't you HATE inside jokes? Way to exclude everyone around you, douchebag. "Hey, I wonder how many people I can alienate at once? All but one? SUCCESS!"
Is this long enough? Did I write enough to appease the masses? (HA!! I like to pretend that masses give a shit about my blog.... I don't deny being delusional... I actually enjoy it)
Alright. I'm done with you. Quit stalking me.